Enter the Soccer Speakeasy

Advantage, the box, clears, rockets, and top class. These are some of the words and slang you'll hear either during the course of a season of soccer. Sometimes these words are easy to understand, while at other times it can take a little digging to figure it all out. I've tried my best to make this blog as approachable as possible by keeping the terminology to a minimum or at least trying to define them. So this week I thought that it would just be easier for me to create a one-stop page where you and future readers can brush up on a few of the words I'll be slinging around all willy-nilly through the course of this soccer journey. With a little time, you'll be able to speak the language and connect with those who are already indoctrinated, I mean, willfully interested in the sport of soccer and totally not under a mind control spell.

Advantage Rule - This is a rule that allows the flow of play to continue if a foul is committed. For example, if a defender commits an overtly aggressive tackle on an attacking player, the play can continue if the attacker is able to retain possession and forward movement. The foul is then revisited by the ref if the ball leaves the field or the play abruptly stops. The ref can then penalize the offending player.

Aggregate Score - In tournament play, teams will often compete in a two-game series called “legs.” The eventual winner is determined when the aggregate score of the two games is combined. For example, Barcelona plays Bayern Munich in the UEFA Champions League tournament stage. If Barcelona wins game 1, 1-0, and Bayern Munich wins game 2, 2-0, Bayern Munich would be determined the winner of the series on a 2-1 aggregate score.

Assist - This is a statistical feather for players who don’t score goals, but instead prefer to set up goals for their strikers. When a goal is scored, the player who made the decisive pass to set up the goal is awarded an assist.

Bend - Ever seen the movie “Bend it Like Beckham?” It’s in reference to the flight of a soccer ball as it interacts with the physics of air resistance, gravity, and its spin. Typically, a player can control the bend of a ball from a free kick, where they are able to properly give the ball its spin to bend in the air and throw the goalkeeper off balance.

Box - In soccer terms, the box refers to the large rectangles on either end of the field (or pitch). The large rectangle is called the 18-yard box. This is the optimal scoring range, but the best players can also be threats from outside the box.

Clear - When the ball enters the box, it’s the job of the defenders to clear the ball from the box by kicking it as far away as possible to reduce the danger of giving up a goal. It’s also a feeling comparable to getting jolted by a defibrillator every time the ball enters the box. Hence, clear! *Note, that’s not even remotely correlated to why this term is used.

Club - Another term for a soccer team. Can be used to indicate a distinction between competitions such as club competitions and international competitions.

Corner Kick - When the ball leaves the field on either side of the net after touching a defending player, a corner kick is awarded to the attacking team. A player will take the ball to the corner closest to where the ball left the field of play and kick the ball from that corner. The corners are indicated by large flags at all four corners.

Dribble - When a player runs down field with the ball, they will keep the ball close to their feet and alternate between each foot. It’s become a stat in recent years for some reason. But it’s a good indication of how comfortable a player is at controlling the ball throughout the game.

Dive - The dastardly tactic of soccer players who have embraced the dark side of the force. These ne’er-do-wells will fall to the ground every time a defending player comes within 900 feet of their bubbles. Refs and away fans despise the existence of divers.

Free Kick - When a foul is committed on an attacking team outside of the box, a free kick penalty is awarded. The player who takes a free kick has several options from short and long passes to outright tries at scoring goals depending on the distance. Although, there is a distinction between direct and indirect free kicks depending on the severity of the foul. A direct free kick can be scored from the spot, while an indirect free kick must touch one other player.

FIFA - The shadowy organization with more money than God, corruption up the whazoo, and the supreme overlords of soccer. Soccer fans have a complicated relationship with FIFA.

Football - A term used to refer to the sport of soccer or a soccer ball. Both terms are acceptable, and a fan who is adamant that the game should never be referred to as soccer is someone you shouldn’t talk to. They are the gatekeepers of the sport who will condescendingly quiz you about mundane soccer facts. They are people who are afraid of their own irrelevancy and inadequacy. They’re the idiots who will attend Major League Soccer games wearing a Chelsea or Manchester United jersey, and it is always a Chelsea or Manchester United jersey. They are basic AF.

Handball - The handball rule is the bane of every soccer player’s existence. When a player touches the ball with their hands or arms from the shoulder-down, they commit a handball penalty. When it happens inside the box, a penalty kick is awarded to the attacking team. When a handball is committed outside the box, it’s a regular free kick penalty.

International Break - It’s a dark time for soccer fans as the international break is the time when club competitions are put on hold so the national teams can play their friendlies. Some fans think it’s a drag, but I’ve come around to them .Soccer is just fun to watch.

Kit - A kit is a combination of tops, bottoms, socks, and boots all coordinated with team colors and/or logos. A full kit should only be worn by actual players, however a fan may wear a full kit ironically or in my case, at a Halloween party. Otherwise, you will be referred to as a full-kit wanker.

Man Marking - Man marking or mark is a term to indicate a man-to-man defensive style. Players are instructed to play defense on specific attackers every time their mark touches the ball or makes a run to receive a pass.

Offside - I wrote a whole blog post about this rule. In short, it’s the line that an attacking player must not cross before they receive a pass. The line is indicated by the last defender. It is never ever, ever, ever, ever referred to a plural form “offsides.” The term became prominent because a kid with braces had to say offside with that weird gargle of saliva on the side of their teeth and the rest of their friends didn’t know better. It spread like a virus.

Pitch - It’s another term for a soccer field. It’s a term typically used among Europeans and American soccer snobs.

Red Card - The proverbial death penalty for any player who commits an excessively brutal foul or deliberately fouls on a goal-scoring chance for an attacker. A red card will send a player off the field via a straight red or by two yellows in one game.

Set Piece - It is a coordinated play for an attacking team in a dead ball situation such as a free kick or corner kick. These plays can be simple runs into the box or coordinated patters of runs and fakes to get the defenders off balance.

Stoppage Time - A period of time added on before halftime and at the end of the game to account for time when play stops during fouls, substitutions, injuries, and set pieces.

Sideline (or touch line) - The boundary of the field along the sides perpendicular to the lines that indicate the ends of the field.

Yellow Card - A warning shot from the referee issued to defending players who need to cool their jets when they challenge attacking players.